Zara Reason

{(set: $possibleDresses to (a: "shift", "A-line", "empire", "halter", "one-shoulder", "sheath")) (set: $dressDesign to "none") (set: $threadsNeeded to 0) (set: $fabricsNeeded to 0) (set: $fabricsOwned to 0) (set: $threadsOwned to 0) (set: $dressReadiness to 0) (set: $dressesDrawn to 0) (set: $summerLength to 50) (set: $vacationAt to 20) (set: $buyDressAt to 45) (set: $goneOnVacation to false) (set: $sickAt to 60) (set: $gottenSick to false) (set: $dayNumber to 0) (set: $triedToSketch to false) (set: $goneThreadShopping to false) (set: $goneFabricShopping to false) } [[Start]]

{(set: $dayNumber to it + $daysPassed) }(if: $dayNumber >= $vacationAt and not $goneOnVacation)[[[$daysPassed days later...|vacation start]]](else-if: $dayNumber >= $buyDressAt)[[[$daysPassed days later...|buys dress]]](else:)[[[$daysPassed days later...|desk]]]

Zenia is practically laughing she's smiling so wide. The boxes of folders are heavy in her arms, but the sun is bright on her shoulders, and it is finally *summer*. The school year is o-ver. She walks quickly across the parking lot and away from chalk, away from parents, away from 6am alarms. As Zenia lowers the last load of supplies from her classroom into the backseat of her Prius, she thinks of everything she's going to do this summer. Spending long slow [[days at the beach]] with grown-up books. Going on the [[trip to Vancouver]] with college friends. And finally [[start making that dress]] she's been putting off.

Zenia almost never has time to read anything over a 4th-grade reading level during the school year, and she's so excited she's been arranging her Goodreads and Amazon lists for weeks. [[Back|Start]]

Zenia and her friends try to take a trip every year, but it's not always feasible for you to make it. Last year it was too far and expensive, and the year before it didn't line up with her school breaks. Finally it's working out, and the mountains, the water, the wine... she's looking forward to it. [[Back|Start]]

Ah yes, the dress. The Dress. Zenia's dreamt of getting into fashion design for [[a while now|Years even]], and this summer she's finally going to start. Her sister's getting married in the fall, and Zenia is determined to design and sew the dress she's wearing. It's going to be her first jump into this new hobby (career, even?), and it's going to be amazing. It's going to be better than amazing, really. This dress is going to be so damn good people people are going to stop and ask where she got it and then not believe her when she says she made it herself. She's got ''(print: $summerLength) days'' to do it before the wedding. Zenia starts her car and cannot wait to [[get going on this dress|creating her dress]].{  }

It wasn't like Zenia grew up wanting to be a fashion designer. She didn't dress up her Barbies or obsess over paper dolls as a girl. The itch to create her own clothes came to Zenia relatively late in life it seems to her, and that delayed start makes the impulse even more [[embarassing|embarassed]]. Still, she can't get rid of it. She wants to make clothes. She wants to create and be creative. She wants to sketch and cut and drape and sew and prick her fingers on a needle late at night hunched over her mom's old sewing machine with only one light on in the house and the world shrunk to just her and and her hands guiding the fabric and her foot pushing the pedal. She wants it. She just has to [[start|creating her dress]].

{ (set: $daysPassed to 3) }Right after she takes a few days to [[unpack and unwind|days later]], of course.

"I'm much too old for this," she'll think on Thursdays when she watches Project Runway by herself. She roots for the 20-somethings to fail. She savages the 40-somethings for being out-of-touch. She [[wishes|Years even]] she had started learning years ago.

{(set: $dressReadiness to ($dressesDrawn + $fabricsOwned + $threadsOwned)) }There are ''(print: $summerLength - $dayNumber) days left'' before her sister's wedding. Zenia sits down at her sewing station and takes stock of the project. Is it going to be a knockout? "(if: $dressDesign is not "none")[As far as the design of the dress, I've got this (print: $dressDesign) thing drawn up, but I'm not sure about it.](else:)[I haven't even designed anything yet.] I should ''[[sketch a new design]]'' before I start sewing. (if: $fabricsOwned is 0)[I don't have any fabric. I need to [[go to the fabric store|go buy some fabric]], I guess.](else-if: $fabricsOwned is 1)[I got these fabrics from my last trip, but now I don't like them. I should return them and [[get something else|go buy some fabric]].](else-if: $fabricsOwned is 2)[These new fabrics are closer to what I want, but now in this light I can see they're not right. I should [[get new pieces|go buy some fabric]].](else-if: $fabricsOwned is 3)[These fabrics are so close to working, but I should make another [[trip to the store|go buy some fabric]] just to be absolutely certain. Once I start there's no going back.](else:)[I'm not sure if these fabrics are exactly what I want. Maybe I should go back and [[get some different ones|go buy some fabric]].] (if: $threadsOwned is 0)[I have no thread to sew with. I definitely [[need some thread|go buy some thread]].](else-if: $threadsOwned is 1)[How did I let myself come home with these threads? They're awful! I need [[new ones|go buy some thread]].](else-if: $threadsOwned is 2)[OK, this thread is a little better combination but still off. I need to [[return to the store|go buy some thread]].](else-if: $threadsOwned is 3)[Ugh. Whenever I get home I realize how terrible my combinations are! I gotta [[go back|go buy some thread]] for some different thread.](else:)[This thread will do, but I don't think it'd hurt to [[go on one more trip|go buy some thread]]. Now I really know what I want.] I'd say I'm about... (print: $dressReadiness) out of 10 ready to start. (print: ($dressReadiness - 2)) more like it. I seriously need to do some work on this dress if it's not going to be a complete shit-show at the wedding. OK. Now I'm gonna [[just start sewing]]! Or... I could take a rest and [[go watch TV]]..."

{(set: $newDesign to (either: ...$possibleDresses)) }"Yeah, hmm... what should this dress be anyway?" Zenia gets out her sketchbook and pencils. "Damn. These are dull as hell. I really should (link: "sharpen them.\"")[(replace: "\"Damn. These are dull as hell. I really should")["I really should get started."]] (if: not $triedToSketch)[(set:$triedToSketch to true)She begins to draw - slowly and tentatively at first. She gets up to get a [[snack]] then continues sketching pockets, hems, and necklines. Some ideas she likes and some she erases before even adding a second line. Zenia doesn't get lost in the work exactly, but she does enjoy herself, enjoys creating and playing with her colors. After two hours, she is tired and satisfied that she's put in the time. She looks down and sees a fairly complete $newDesign dress. "Not bad," she says to herself. [["I kind of like it."]] She pauses and holds the paper at arm's length. "On second thought, ew. [[That's all]] I've got?"] (else:)[Zenia sits down and begins to draw again. It's not great but she keeps going. Then she gets up to get a [[snack]]. Then she keeps sketching. Eventually looks down and sees a fairly complete $newDesign dress. "Not bad," she says to herself. [["I kind of like it."]] She pauses and holds the paper at arm's length. "On second thought, ew. [[That's all]] I've got?"]

{(set: $fabricsPicked to 0) }Zenia steps into Sew Much More and (if: $dressDesign is not "none")[consults her sketch. "OK. Let's go hunting."](else:)[starts looking for any fabric that catches her eye. "I need something that speaks to me. Something that'll spark some inspiration for a design!"] She heads to the back where huge white metal racks hold hundreds of [[fabric bolts]].

(if: not $goneThreadShopping)[Zenia had passed by "Thread Heads!" plenty of times and always wondered how it stays business. Could there really be enough people buying thread to support this place? And why don't people just shop for thread at the fabric store? Once she steps inside though, she understands. More than just the economics of Thread Heads, too. The library-esque shelves covered in endless skeins and spools of all sizes and types of string unfurl themselves in front of Zenia, and she is entranced. She walks in a daze up and down the first aisle repeatedly, unable to pick out a single spool for her project. She can only clutch her sketchbook to her chest and remind herself to breathe as she takes in the [[ininite variations on red|just looking around]] in front of her.(set: $goneThreadShopping to true)] (else:)[Zenia steps back into Thread Heads and returns to a trance. She finds the aisle of red thread and tries to [[pick some out|just looking around]]. ]

"Oh, but I'm not ready! Once I [[start|sewing 2]] I can't (link: "go back")[(set: $daysPassed to 4)(go-to: "days later")]!"

{ (set: $daysPassed to 5) }"Oh shit," Zenia remembers. "A new House Hunters is on now! I'll get back to this dress [[tomorrow|days later]]."

"Chips chips chips. I love chips, and chips love me!" Zenia sings to herself, eating a handful of sketch a new design. "Actually, I need more than chips. I should have dinner and get back to this (link: "later")[($set: $daysPassed to 5)(goto: "days later")]." "Ok, back to [[work|sketch a new design]]."

{(set: $dressDesign to $newDesign) (set: $dressesDrawn to it + 1) (set: $daysPassed to 7) } Zenia carefully tears the page containing her finished design along its perforated edge. She walks behind her work desk and pins it to her corkboard "at a slightly jaunty angle," congratulating herself again on a good day's worth of progress. "I'm gonna do this thing." Zenia examines her notes and makes plans for trips to the fabric and specialty thread stores. That's for later though. It's [[dinner time|days later]] now.

Zenia sighs and leans back in her chair. "Oh well. I'll try again later I guess." Feeling like a cartoon character even as she does so, she tears the page with her finished design out of her sketch book, crumples it up and tosses it in to the recycling. She presses her hands into her thighs, closes her eyes, and stands. "What am I making for dinner tonight?" she [[asks the empty room|days later]].{ (set: $daysPassed to 6) }

The saleswoman scoots away and Zenia shakes her head. "God, there's too many options," she mumbles to herself. "I don't know what I'm doing. I should [[just leave|leave thread]]." "Or I could [[walk around|thread walk]] a bit I guess. There were some reds over there that I think could work nice with my dress..."

And so she does. Nodding apologetically to the cashier, Zenia exits through the automatic doors and gets back into her Prius. "I'll come back [[another day|days later]]," she tells herself as she pulls out of the parking lot.{ (set: $daysPassed to 8) }

{(set: $numPicked to 0) }"Wow. This is like, way more types of red than I ever imagined. Now which ones do I want?" Zenia looks through the shelf lined with (link: "amber")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[amber]], (link: "rust")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[rust]], (link: "ginger")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[ginger]], (link: "fire")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[fire]], (link: "clay")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[clay]], (link: "cider")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[cider]], (link: "spice")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[spice]], (link: "red")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[red]], (link: "cherry")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[cherry]], (link: "rose")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[rose]], (link: "jam")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[jam]], (link: "merlot")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[merlot]], (link: "garnet")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[garnet]], (link: "crimson")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[crimson]], (link: "ruby")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[ruby]], (link: "scarlet")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[scarlet]], (link: "wine")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[wine]], (link: "brick")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[brick]], (link: "apple")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[apple]], (link: "mahogany")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[mahogany]], (link: "blood")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[blood]], (link: "sangria")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[sangria]], (link: "berry")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[berry]], (link: "currant")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[currant]], (link: "blush")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[blush]], (link: "candy")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[candy]], (link: "lipstick")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[lipstick]], (link: "pink")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[pink]], (link: "rose")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[rose]], (link: "fuscia")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[fuscia]], (link: "punch")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[punch]], (link: "watermelon")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[watermelon]], (link: "flamingo")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[flamingo]], (link: "rouge")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[rouge]], (link: "salmon")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[salmon]], (link: "coral")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[coral]], (link: "peach")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[peach]], (link: "strawberry")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[strawberry]], (link: "rosewood")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[rosewood]], (link: "lemonade")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[lemonade]], (link: "ballet slipper")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[ballet slipper]], (link: "lemonade")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[lemonade]], (link: "taffy")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[taffy]], (link: "bubblegum")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[bubblegum]], (link: "crepe")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[crepe]], (link: "magenta")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[magenta]], (link: "hot pink")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[hot pink]], and (link: "mulberry")[(set: $numPicked to it + 1)(css:"font-weight: bold")[mulberry]]. She makes her selections. "Ok. [[I'm ready|thread ready]]." "Oh forget it. It's too overwhelming. [[I'm leaving|leave thread]]."

(if: $numPicked > 5)["Oh come on now. I don't need more than five different spools. I should put some [[back|thread walk]]."](else:)[Zenia walks back to the front of the store with her red plastic bastic full of red thread. "I'm even wearing red shoes today. This must be good luck or something," she tells the cashier. The cashier smiles meekly and rings Zenia up. Back in the car, Zenia pulls a spool of thread out of the bag and brings it up to right in front of her face. She is mildly disappointed when it does not smell like its color of cinnamon. She drives [[home|days later]].{ (set: $daysPassed to 5) (set: $threadsOwned to it + 1) }]

{(set: $lastBolt to (either: "a sand", "an auburn", "a lemon", "a bicycle yellow", "a cerulean", "a carnation pink", "a dandelion", "a khaki", "a cornflower", "a goldenrod", "a ginger", "a fig", "a teal", "a silver", "a shamrock", "a sepia", "a turquoise", "a moon", "a cream", "a straw", "an olive", "a vanilla", "an orange") + " colored " + (either: "cotton voile", "cotton lawn", "rayon", "chambray", "denim", "double gauze", "knit", "silk", "satin", "linen", "wool", "flannel")) }Zenia stops in front of ''(print: $lastBolt)''. It's hideous, and Zenia keeps walking over to the [[next bolt|fabric bolts]]. "They're all hideous, actually," she thinks. "I'm not buying any of this crap. I'm [[out of here]]." On second glance, Zenia thinks, "I could make this (link: "gorgeous")[($set: $fabricsPicked to it + 1)(goto: "gorgeous")]," and adds it to her cart.

The woman at the checkout is ecstatic. "Oooh! I love this (print: $lastBolt)! I'm sure you're going to make something fabulous with it." Zenia smiles back and hands over her credit card. "Thanks," she says quietly, but she actually believes the woman. She's more excited than she has been in a while to finally [[start working|days later]] on her dress.{ (set: $daysPassed to 6) (set: $fabricsOwned to it + 1) }

Zenia sheepishly waits at the end of the aisle, and when she's out of sight from all employees she abandons her cart and walks quickly to her car. "Who would buy (print: $lastBolt) anyway? That store is gross." She almost doesn't see the pickup turning across her lane as she pulls into traffic, but adjusts just in time and [[heads home|days later]].{(set: $daysPassed to 7)}

"OK, I'm ready to [[checkout]]." (if: $fabricsPicked > 5)["I'm on a roll! I want [[another one|fabric bolts]]!] "Ugh. This is exhausting and they don't have what I'm looking for. I'm [[out of here]]."

(link-goto: "[MEMORIES MISSING]", "vacation return")

{(set: $daysPassed to 13) (set: $dayNumber to it + $daysPassed) }Zenia has a lot of fun on vacation. The three days afterwards recovering at home in silence and sobriety are less fun but necessary. Finally, Zenia makes her way back to her [[sewing desk|desk]].

"It's here! It's here! It's here! I'm goin to [[Van|mountains]]-[[cou|friends]]-[[ver|wine]]. I'm goin to [[Van|weed]]-[[cou|beer]]-[[ver|forests]]!" Zenia pauses her song to ask Siri the weather and throwing a final extra scarf into her carry-on. She's leaving on vacation to see her best friends, and she won't be back for [[ten whole days|Vancouver]].(set: $goneOnVacation to true)

[[Mountains|vacation start]]

[[Friends|vacation start]]

[[Wine|vacation start]]

[[Weed|vacation start]]

[[Beer|vacation start]]

[[Forests|vacation start]]

There are (print: $summerLength - $dayNumber) days left in summer. Zara sits down at her sewing station and takes stock of the project. "OK, let's see what's goin on here... Ooph. I don't feel great. Maybe it's just gas?" Zara thumbs through her sketch book but can't focus on anything besides her stomach. She gets up from the desk and goes back to her bedroom to [[lie down]].{ (set: $daysSick to 0) }

{ (set: $daysPassed to 1) (set: $dayNumber to it + $daysPassed) }[[The next day...|still sick]]

Zara is still sick. (if: $daysSick is 0)[She spends the day luxuriating in naps. She'll be back at work on the dress [[tomorrow|lie down]].] (else-if: $daysSick is 1)[She watches Bravo on her iPad all day and tries to convince herself she's feeling better. She'll be better [[soon|lie down]].] (else-if: $daysSick is 2)[She calls her mom and admits she's sick. There's [[still time left|lie down]] in the summer to start the dress.] (else-if: $daysSick is 3)[She starts wondering if something is seriously [[wrong|lie down]] with her.] (else-if: $daysSick is 4)[Her fever will not [[break|lie down]].] (else-if: $daysSick is 5)[She cannot [[eat|lie down]].] (else-if: $daysSick is 6)[She cannot [[sleep|lie down]].] (else-if: $daysSick is 7)[She cannot think about the dress. She is taken to the [[hospital]].]{ (set: $daysSick to it + 1) }

{(set: $daysPassed to 7) (set: $dayNumber to it + $daysPassed) }[[$daysPassed days later...|hospital two]]

There are (print: $summerLength - $dayNumber) days left in summer. Zara sits up in her hospital bed and takes stock of her situation. "OK, let's see what's goin on here... I have [[no appendix]]. I'm on a shitload of [[drugs]]. The doctors [[still don't know]] what's going on. I seem to be feeling better, and I'm [[going home]] today. It's not the worst."

[["Because why not take it out, right?"|hospital two]]

[["Thank you, Mr. Pain Patch!"|hospital two]]

"Not for lack of trying though. But will they ever? Is it gone? Will it come back? Am I safe? [[Ugh|hospital two]]."

{ (set: $daysPassed to 1) (set: $dayNumber to it + $daysPassed) }[[The next day...|post hospital]]

There are only (print: $summerLength - $dayNumber) days left in summer. Zara sits outside on her porch in a padded rocking chair. Her sewing desk is too uncomfortable on her abdomen right now, and she recognizes that this means another summer has passed without starting the dress. Is it a failure? She can't say. She surely couldn't have predicted getting sick as she did, and on the whole, she still had a full summer with a fantastic vacation. But still, this particular creative itch is unscratched and still present. It bothers her as it has for the past few years. As she's grown accustomed to and as it will [[continue]] to.

Until the next time she [[starts|Init]].

"(if: $dressDesign is not "none")[I mean, this $dessDesign is all wrong.](else:)[I haven't even drawn up a design yet!] Seriously! I gotta go [[sketch a new design]] or everyone's gonna laugh at me at the wedding. I cannot start [[sewing for real|sewing 3]] yet."

(if: $fabricsOwned > 0)["And these fabrics? What was I thinking? I'm going [[back to the store|go buy some fabric]] right now. I'll look like a clown if I show up to the wedding wearing this. No way am I [[sewing my dress|sewing 4]] with this."](else:)["Ha! I don't even have any fabric! I gotta [[go to the store|go buy some fabric]] and get some. What am I supposed to do? [["Make it work"|sewing 4]] with some ratty old t-shirts?"]

(if: $threadsOwned > 0)["I don't know what I'm doing with these threads. They're all wrong. I really gotta go [[pick out new ones|go buy some thread]] at the store. This is not the way to [[start my first dress|sewing 5]] I've ever made. It's gotta be better than this."](else:)["I don't even have thread! There's just no way I can start without thread. My dress will just fall apart right in the middle of the ceremony! Everyone will see I'm using duct tape to put it together! I have to [[go to the store|go buy some thread]]. It's either that or get on my hands and knees and [[search the house|sewing 5]]."]

"OK, there was a single spool of plain white thread under the bench tucked into the wall. But still. I'm not ready to [[start|sewing 6]]. I'm only (print: $dressReadiness) out of 10 ready. Not even! It's just not there yet. I need to (link:"sleep on this plan")[(set:$daysPassed to 6)(go-to:"days later")] for one more day, and //then// I'll be ready."

"Oh [[Lord help me]]."

Zenia [[winds the bobbin]]...

And [[begins]].

The end. Thank you for playing. [[Play again|Init]]?

"Well, shit. Where did these weeks go? Now there's not enough time to make my dress before the wedding!" Zenia gets in her car to go [[dress shopping]].

She flips through the racks limply. She's still thinking about what might have been and her failed promise to herself. [[Nothing catches her eye]].

She picks a dress out and takes it to the [[cashier]]. "[[There's still time...]]" something in her head says.

Zenia gets out her wallet and hands the cashier her [[credit card]]. "It doesn't have to be perfect," the voice says. "Just [[go home and make something]]."

Zenia hesitates. Is there still time? Are the fabrics all wrong? Does she have enough thread? Is the design good enough? Does it matter? Yes. There's not enough time and she'll look like a clown if she starts sewing her dress now. She hands her [[credit card]] over and pays for her dess. No. Fuck it. She drops the dress and turns to [[go home and make something]] with what she's got.

Well, at least Zenia is ready for the wedding, she tells herself. She has a dress and it fits and there aren't any embarassing seams showing and she won't have to explain to any aunts why the hemline is wonky. She still wants to make a dress. She didn't this summer. It was too much work. It was all wrong. She didn't know enough. But it's OK. There's always [[next year|Init]].

Back at her sewing machine, Zenia knows she doesn't know what she's doing. She's never done this before. She knows her fabrics may sit right on her curves. She knows she may not have enough thread and may have to pin the dress in places. She does not know what "pinning" entails really. She knows people may think she looks dumb. She knows it may go horribly unexpectedly wrong. She knows she may end up right back at the dress store tomorrow. She [[decides not to care|sewing 6]].